


Edythe Cullen- The World's Most Clueless Lesbian

by ShootingtheMoon



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Gay Panic, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 15:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16390226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShootingtheMoon/pseuds/ShootingtheMoon
Summary: After some quality time lying in a snowbank in Alaska, Edythe has a chat with an old family friend and makes some discoveries about herself.AKA: Midnight Sun chapter 2, but gayer.





	Edythe Cullen- The World's Most Clueless Lesbian

**Author's Note:**

> I was lowkey inspired by the first point in [this](http://officialsamanthatraynor.tumblr.com/post/150177193796/honestly-though-lets-talk-about-bellaedythe-a) post and decided to write Edythe's gaywakening. Bella doesn't actually show up in this one, but Edythe definitely thinks some super hetero thoughts about her ;).
> 
> Follow my [twilight blog](http://twilightmademegay.tumblr.com).

    I had heard a boy, a few high schools back, refer to me as “Snow White”. It made me laugh at the time, how this human could compare me to a dainty, helpless princess when I was perfectly capable of crushing his windpipe in one hand, if I so desired. It didn’t offend me, though. Snow White was a far kinder nickname than Ice Princess. That was a title bestowed upon me far more often.

    _Either one’s fitting,_ I thought to myself, smiling bitterly. It was clear to me now, as I lay buried in a snowbank, that the comparisons they drew were more accurate than I cared to admit. My skin was freezing, especially now that it had acclimated to the air around me. It was also pale, and even sparkled like snow in the sunlight.

    Sighing, I ran my hands through the powder around me. It was soft, fresh and actually sort of calming. With nothing for company but the stars and some scattered pines, it was easy to forget my reason for coming here.

    Well, maybe not that easy. I couldn’t stop picturing her face. Her deep chocolate eyes that betrayed thoughts I longed to hear for myself. How they filled with terror when she saw the monster she’d made of me.

    I growled quietly, particles of snow puffing up into the air as I quickly flipped onto my side. It wasn’t _fair_ . I had lived for a century and this human girl, this insignificant _child,_ would be the one to ruin me. There wasn’t even anything special about her.

    _That’s a lie_ , I reminded myself, _and you know it_ . Her silent mind had intrigued me at first, yes, but any curiosity was swiftly blotted out by her cloyingly sweet scent, how I so desperately wanted to sink my teeth into her lovely neck and _taste-_

    I sat up immediately, taking deep breaths of the fresh air. _She’s not here now. It’s over. You’re fine._ I was not fine. I could easily run back to Forks tonight, climb through her bedroom window and take what the monster inside me craved. Even the memory of her smell was enough to make my throat burn with desire, to make my fingers twitch in impatience. It would be so _easy_. But I knew I couldn’t go through with it. Just imagining the disappointment on Carlisle’s face, not to mention Esme…

    I groaned. I needed to compose myself. _Just look at you! Obsessing over Bella Swan like every mouth breathing boy at your school. Where’s your dignity, Edythe?_ It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand what all the fuss was about. She _was_ beautiful, in her way. She had an… _interesting_ face, all sharp contrasts. Delicate bone structure, but wide eyes, full lips. Her skin was almost as pale as mine, but her hair was a deep brown, even darker than her eyes. I chuckled softly. With that coloring, maybe _she_ was Snow White. But what would that make me? The evil queen? I certainly couldn’t be prince charming. Mike Newton was already vying for that role, as irritating as his attempts were. When we first came to Forks his constant and often vulgar thoughts about me had been an annoyance, though nothing I wasn’t already used to. But when I recalled the way he thought about Bella, a dark feeling came over me. _Jealousy_ , my mind supplied easily, but I dismissed the notion. I would never harbor anything short of resentment for Mike Newton, so what was there to be jealous of?

    The sound of snow crunching in the distance brought me out of my musings. Tobias, no doubt, coming to find where I’d run off to. I cringed. He was nice enough, but his interest in me was obvious, even without the glimpses I had into his head. The feeling was not mutual, but I still felt bad every time I brushed off his advances.

    “Ah, Edythe!” He exclaimed once he drew nearer. “There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you.”

    “Hello, Tobias.” I smiled faintly as he took a seat next to me.

    _What is she doing all the way out here?_

    “I don’t know,” I replied, shrugging. “Sometimes it’s nice to be alone with my thoughts.” I added the last part hoping he’d take the hint. He didn’t.

    _I always forget you can do that!_ “My sisters told me to leave you alone, but you seemed upset, so…” He trailed off, and I didn’t bother with a reply, choosing to look up at the stars instead. _I should ask her what’s bothering her._

    He took a breath. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I interjected before he could ask the question out loud. “It’s nothing.” He scoffed.

    “Are you sure? Because it doesn’t _sound_ like nothing. You even have this little crease between your eyebrows.” He reached out slowly, like he wanted to smooth it out, but I threw some snow at him before he could. He laughed, shaking his long blond hair out and hitting me in the face. I glowered at him. “Oh, come on, Edythe. Lighten up, will you? There must be something that’s bothering you.”

    “Besides you, you mean?” I grumbled. He simply held up a finger, stroking his chin in thought.

    Then his eyes lit up. “Oh! Is it boy trouble? Finally found someone special back home?”

    I had never been more grateful that I’d lost all ability to blush. “No, Tobias. No one back home.” I tried to ignore the hopeful tone his thoughts took on after that.

    _Here goes nothing_. “Don’t worry. I know you’ve only got eyes for me.” He grinned widely at me, confident and smug, but I simply stared back at him, unimpressed. He deflated a little, averting his gaze.

    “In all seriousness, Edythe…” He sighed, then looked back at me. _You know how I feel about you. Just give me a chance. Please._

    This was why he always made me feel guilty. Beneath all the bravado, he was earnest. A good man. But not one I could ever want.

    “I’m sorry, Tobias.” His eyes saddened. “Look, you surely must know that you’re a wonderful person, and incredibly handsome, too. You’ll find somebody that will love you, I’m sure of it. It just won’t be me.”

    He smiled ruefully. _You know I had to try. No hard feelings, honest._

    “If it makes you feel any better,” I added, “It’s not just you. I’ve never felt that way about any man.”

    _Huh._ His mind suddenly filled with thoughts of Rosalie and Eleanor. “Maybe you should stop trying to find a man, then.”

    I furrowed my brow at him in confusion, looking into his mind to see why he put a slight emphasis on _man_ , but he shook his head at me and smirked. _Good night, Edythe_ , he thought, before singing some pop song loudly in his head to drown out his thoughts as he ran away.

    I flopped back down into the snow once he was out of sight. _Well, that was weird_. What did he mean by “stop trying to find a man”? Maybe he was telling me to resign myself to a life of loneliness? As if I hadn’t already come to that conclusion long ago. And why would he be thinking of Rose and El? What did they have to do with my inability to find-

    “Oh!” I gasped, sitting bolt upright. He must have assumed… My sisters had always preferred women, and they found happiness in each other. Did he think that _I_ ? No. No, that was preposterous. I didn’t have any aversion to it as a concept, even I wasn’t _that_ old fashioned. The love between Rosalie and Eleanor had always seemed so natural to me, so _right_ , that I could never understand why some people resented it. But for _me_? I was over a hundred years old, wouldn’t I have figured that part of myself out by now? No, Tobias was wrong. I just hadn’t found anyone that I liked, that was all.

    I slowly lowered myself back down. It was only natural that Tobias had come to that conclusion. I _had_ , after all, just told him that I had never been interested in a man. But that wasn’t just to spare his feelings, even if that was my intention in saying it. I thought back on all of the men I had met over my many years, and not one of them jumped out at me as a romantic interest. I couldn’t even recall a passing attraction.

    My thoughts then turned to Tobias. He was objectively gorgeous, perfect, like all of those who shared our condition. I imagined he was also quite handsome in life. Tall, broad shouldered, a kind face. If any man were fit to be my mate, it was Tobias. And yet, he stirred nothing within me. But his sister Irina, on the other hand…

    I shook myself. _Stop. What are you thinking?_ Clearly, my mind only went down this path because Tobias had planted the idea in my head. I shouldn’t have even entertained the possibility. Of course, Irina was beautiful. It was just as objective a fact for her as it was for Tobias. But did I give Tobias a second look? Did I look over his body like my eyes roamed across the sharp lines of Irina’s collarbones, the dip of her spine. Did my gaze ever rest a moment too long on his mouth?

    This time, I stood up. I began to pace back and forth, so quickly that I ran ruts into the snowdrift. I had no romantic feelings for Irina. I did not feel devotion for her like Carlisle felt for Esme, I did not desire to protect her like Jasper did with Alice. I did not look at her with the same soft eyes that Eleanor had for Rosalie. I was not in _love_ with her, of that that much I was certain. But lust? Simple attraction?

    I abruptly stopped moving. “Oh, my God.” I breathed. “I’m gay.”

    Before I registered what I was doing, I was already running south. I thought about the pretty girls who would approach me every time we moved to a new school. How pleased I was that they wanted to be my friend. I realized now that it was much more than that. I remembered the time I found a copy of Le Fanu’s _Carmilla_ at the library and read it three times a night, every night for a month, and how I bought my own copy that was now heavily marked up. It was the only piece of vampire fiction I had ever enjoyed. Perhaps I had seen myself in it?

    I stopped about fifty miles north of Seattle and leaned against a tree. It occured to me that I was on my way back home, most likely to inform my family of my revelation. They were the people I cherished most in this existence, and I desperately wanted to share my discovery with them. I especially wanted to talk to Rose and El, the two people in the world that would understand this best.

    But oh, I had almost forgotten why I wasn’t at home in the first place. Bella Swan. I ground my teeth in frustration. Was one girl really going to keep me from my family? At a time like this? No. I was a lot of things, yes, but not a coward. I would not allow her to keep me from where I belonged.

    So what if she smelled delicious? I had plenty of experience keeping my thirst under control. So long as I avoided her like the plague she was, I wouldn’t be tantalized by the perfume of her blood, the inviting rosiness of her cheeks, the aggravating silence of her thoughts… I could make it through another year or two before we moved on, and she could continue with her mundane human life. Maybe she’d even marry that loathsome Mike Newton.

    There it was again. That pang of jealousy.

    But suddenly, I understood it.

    “Oh, shit.” No, I could not even consider that right now. It could only be a passing attraction, like Irina. Perhaps the mystery of her mind and her mouthwatering scent had mixed together and caused some sort of confusion with my feelings. I could not afford to _like_ Bella Swan. And neither, quite frankly, could she afford any further attention from me.

    In any case, it was a problem for later. Right now, I needed to go home.

    It wasn’t long before I reached the house. I slowed to a stop as I got to the end of our long driveway and found Alice waiting for me on our front steps. She sprung to her feet as I approached, smiling and throwing her arms around me.

    _I am so proud of you. I love you so much._ She pulled away, but still held me by my shoulders. _And I missed you. Are you going to stay this time?_

    “I think so, Alice. I hope I can, at least.”

    _Wonderful!_ She grinned, exuberant. _Now, don’t let me keep you. You have some news to deliver._

“You didn’t already tell them?” I asked.

    “Of course not,” she laughed. “You only get to come out to them once. I could never take that from you.”

    I would have had tears in my eyes, were I still able to cry. I pulled her into another crushing hug. “Thank you.”

    She giggled, pushing me towards the door. _Go on!_

I decided to start with my father. He was my creator, in a sense, so it felt right to tell him first. I knocked gently on his office door.

    “Come in.” Carlisle looked up from his desk as I entered. “Oh, Edythe! Welcome home.”

    His thoughts were a mixture of relief to see me back safe and worry for the reasons I had left in the first place. He had already made up his mind to move the family if need be, which made me wince. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

    “It’s good to be home. Listen, Dad, I’m here because there’s something I need to tell you.”

    He looked closer at my eyes and I saw a flash of relief in his mind when he realized they were not the brilliant crimson he had feared. He had thought, briefly, that I’d given in and murdered the girl. I couldn’t say I blamed him, though his ready forgiveness for my imagined sin almost shamed me more than his anger would have. It strengthened my resolve to do nothing that he needed to forgive.

    “No, it’s not-” I paused, taking a deep breath I didn’t really need. “Dad, I’m a lesbian.”

    Shock flashed across his face, but as I listened to what he was thinking, I realized that he wasn’t surprised for the reasons I expected.

    “You already _knew_?” My voice was shriller than I intended, so I cleared my throat before trying again. “All this time, you knew?”

    _You_ didn’t _know?_ He attempted to school his expression, but couldn’t control the quirk in the corner of his mouth.

    “I just discovered it when I was up in Alaska,” I admitted sheepishly.

    _I thought she would have figured it out by now. Maybe Rosalie was right, maybe she is a “clueless lesbian”._

I was about to ask him if _everybody_ in our family knew but me, but the place his thoughts trailed off to gave me a different question to ask.

    “Father,” I began calmly, trying to control my voice. “Please tell me you did not turn Rosalie into a vampire because you thought I was lonely and needed a girlfriend.”

    Carlisle lost his humor quickly. “That was a long time ago, Edythe. Edythe? Where are you going?”

    I was already at the bottom of the stairs. “I’m going back to Alaska to bury myself in the snow forever. Goodbye, Carlisle. Great talk!”

   

**Author's Note:**

> I might write other scenes but I doubt this will be a full rewrite of Midnight Sun. Let me know if you want more!


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